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Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)

This movie had so much potential but in the end, it was nothing but an unfinished, unexplained, mess with no questions answered & a cheesy, stupid ending.

Imagine this: a normal morning in your everyday big city – taxis, cars, people, etc.. all going about their lives when suddenly, with no warning, a wave of darkness washes over the city wiping away all electrical light as well as daylight instantly – the darkness lets up and everyone is gone, nothing but their clothing from where they once stood, remains.

Who survives? A man working at a movie theater who had a battery powered headlight(Leguizamo). A man who was sleeping near lit candles (Christensen). A woman who had just stepped out to take a smoke break & opened the lighter at the exact second it happened (Newton)..people who were near prevailing light sources when the darkness came.

Now there is a fight for survival against the darkness that seems to be quickly taking over any light left – daylight becomes increasingly scarce w/ night lasting longer & daytime lasting shorter. Batteries used for flashlights keep dying, lasting at first hours on end but quickly dying out after minutes. Nearly all cars are dead – batteries drained. The survivors are trapped in a city (specifically 7th street) that is being taken over by night, a darkness that will take you unless you are surrounded by light.

Sounds interesting, right? I know.. this movie had so much promise which makes the execution so frustrating. I wish someone would have told me going into it not to try and figure out what was happening. With most psychological thrillers or horror films like this, creepy/odd things happen & then in the end, an explanation is given for what happened & why. I kept trying to find clues, piece them together & figure out what the initial darkness was, why it was light vs. dark, why the daylight was getting shorter, why light sources were dying at rapid rates, etc.. & how the darkness had a mind of it’s own since it is shown in the movie that the darkness thinks & has the ability to create fake light sources as well as add in loved ones’ voices to draw the survivors out, thinking they are safe and without warning the light goes out and the person is taken instantly.

…but alas nothing is ever explained. The audience is just supposed to accept what happened as an unexplained disappearance & take it for what it is – so beware – don’t bother trying to piece together what is happening, that is too advanced of a concept for this film.

I want to be clear that this is NOT some high concept, brilliant movie that answers some questions in a vague, thought provoking manner that leaves the audience drawing their own conclusions.. movies like that can be quite interesting. Just b/c this film doesn’t answer questions about what is happening & why, doesn’t magically make it ‘brilliant’ or ‘smart’ – this film is straight forward with a disappearance of a population, a light vs. dark scenario and the explanation that it’s just an unexplained disappearance which isn’t any explanation at all.

3/10 Utter failure – anyone can come up with some crazy concept, the true talent is putting all the parts together to explain the truth behind the mystery or what is really happening & this movie doesn’t even bother. Also, I found it hard to sympathize/care about any of the leads. I didn’t really care if they lived or died (do they even really die? Who knows – again.. what happens to those that disappear was never explained) Also, the movie comes to a halt about 30 minutes in when a place called Sonny’s Bar comes into play – and never really get back to where it was going. Finally, expect the usual problem of characters acting stupidly in this movie – when someone is in need of a light source & is desperate, FIRE come to mind especially when surrounded by alcohol in a bar & there is tons of fuel at their disposal from the cars in the streets – too bad no one could take that mental leap.

Just to be clear, the idea that it’s a reboot or some Adam/Eve scenario which I saw some people trying to sell as answers is NOT an explanation – that is just a potential reason for what happened but still doesn’t answer anything about how it happened. If the people turn into the darkness/shadows when they are taken, then what was the darkness made of when it initially came – it was obviously large & powerful enough to take over everything & wipe out ALL electrical light so what was that? Why light vs. dark? What was going on with Leguizamo’s character’s death? etc…

Also – the Adam/Eve idea based on the boy/girl in the end makes NO sense given the ending of the film. If they road off into the sunset w/ daylight shining upon them, then I might buy that (as a reason for what happened, NOT as an actual explanation as to how it happened) BUT that is not the case. As the boy/girl ride off, the shadows/darkness can be seen taking back over the city w/ night fall coming signaling to the audience that whatever is happening is NOT over. If the girl’s magical flashlight dies – then I am assuming she & the boy will be gone just like everyone else. There was no indication in the end that the occurrence was over so clearly the 2 kids are not the chosen ones so that theory doesn’t work.

by PhantomAgony from United States (IMDB)

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Bad Teacher

Bad Teacher is a great concept that resulted in a style of humor like most of the Adult Swim cartoons you see today: When the jokes hit they hit well, but when they miss, they miss quite badly. The cast was delightful, but could only go so far with the material. As a matter of fact, it was the cast that saved the movie from being a total disaster by providing their comedic chops, their charm, and their good comic timing that you don’t see enough of nowadays. Despite all that however, Bad teacher is a shiny apple with a few rotten parts.

Elizabeth Hasley (Cameron Diaz) is a foul-mouthed, bitter, and quite nasty teacher that is keeping the job only to pay the bills after her rich fiancée dumps her. Facing debt, aging, and loneliness, Elizabeth starts setting her sights on a boob job and on a new (rich) teacher (Justin Timberlake), whom has also captured the attention of a manipulative rival (Lucy Punch). The script was helmed by two veteran writers of The Office (Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg) as they use their non-television ratings boundaries to mix plenty of vulgar and raunchy humor with even some tidbits of cruel humor. Unfortunately, their lack of boundaries led to a mediocre script.

This film’s biggest falters come in the form of the script. Despite the promise in the premise and the cast involved, the script was convoluted, and didn’t have much structure until the second half. As a matter of fact, the film switches up the pace very unexpectedly when the next act approaches. Pretty much almost all the crude and vulgar humor failed to draw laughs, with one notable exception involving one of the odder “sex” scenes in recent memory. The movie was a great idea not exactly explored upon, and was full of smaller ideas that were not utilized. Many good smaller characters did not get enough time in the script; most notably the students, the gym teacher (Jason Segal) and the main character’s roommate (Erik Stonestreet).

Despite the writing being a fickle mess, the cast was superb, from the small roles to the big ones. Cameron Diaz I can honestly say is one of the most underrated talents in Hollywood, because she rarely ever delivers a mediocre or weak performance. She has this aura, this energy that can save the worst of films (See: What Happens in Vegas) and it is no different here. Despite her smoking/drinking/vulgar/manipulative/cynical/cruel/superficial ways, we still secretly root for her to succeed in reaching her goal. Very few actresses can pull off this type of charm.

Lucy Punch, despite having a bit of questionable material, delivers as Diaz’s rival. Jason Segal could have helped the movie a lot more if he was in it more often, as he delivered the laughs every time he was on-screen with his wit, sarcasm, and I-don’t-care attitude. Television staples Phyllis Smith and Erik Stonestreet were hilarious in the far-too-few moments they were on-screen. The movie does indeed have its laughs, but the potential was so much greater considering all the talented actors involved.

Jake Kasdan as a director doesn’t have much of a resume, but he does have the comedic chops and timing, and he proved this with the underrated Walk Hard. With Bad Teacher, he did not have as much good material to work with but could have still helped the movie if he had tightened the first third of the movie better. There was a lot more unnecessary fluff in the first half of the movie compared to the second half. Smaller plot lines were never resolved, certain jokes literally fell off without a punchline, and certain situations were brought up but never explored. Many concepts were also never explored: especially that of how shallow and shady we all become towards each other in the workforce.

Bottom Line: Bad Teacher was a great idea, poorly executed, but relentlessly saved by the energetic cast. This movie could have mixed the dark charm of Bad Santa with the subtle workforce ridiculousness humor of Office Space to become something very, very special. But neither style of humor was dwelled upon deep enough. The first half had its laughs, but was far too convoluted and was salvaged mainly because of the hilarity of Cameron Diaz. The movie definitely picks up later, but by then its too late, the potential was wasted. Either way, you will certainly laugh, you will remain entertained, but will also be bothered by what it could have been.

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Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Man, so much stuff happens in this damn movie. One can only scratch the surface of what the movie has to offer when reviewing it. The best I can do is list the best and worst of it.

The Good

The best thing about these movies is how they look, how well the transformers integrate into the real-life footage to make a compelling action sequence. Here it’s cranked to eleven, and the CG is very impressive. On the larger shots, even tiny transformers far in the background look convincing.

There a several action set pieces (specifically towards the end) which are easily some of the best of the trilogy. The whole scene with the collapsing building and the tracking shot of Optimus slicing and smashing his way through a bunch of decepticons are colossal showstoppers.

This is also one of the best 3D movies to date. One major critique of 3D is that 3D glasses make the film darker, but here they do a very smart thing, the film itself is brighter than your average movie and this problem evens itself out. Another thing that worried me before I saw it is that if there was so much high-speed action maybe that and the combination of 3D would give me motion sickness, end of the movie: no problems.

The Bad

The villains suck. Megatron does absolutely nothing throughout the whole film until right at the end, and even that was a let down. Shockwave appears briefly at the start and vanishes for two hours, he himself doesn’t actually do much, it’s all down to this big nameless tentacle-clad decepticon he works with. Starscream does nothing, but then he never did anything anyway. I’m not even going to mention Patrick Dempsey. But the biggest let down is with the movies main villain “Sentinel Prime”. Basically he is Optimus’ predecessor but he changed sides to the decepticons and made a deal with Megatron to bring life back to their home planet Cybertron. This is the driving element of the movie, but there are many plot holes from this. Early in the film Optimus basically says he wants to make Sentinel Prime leader of the autobots again, and offers him the matrix (an item that brings dead transformers back to life) but Sentinel Prime declines. Then he changes sides. Why did he decline taking the matrix? it would in definitely be a help in his ploy. Sentinel Prime gets numerous chances to kill Optimus once and for all, but like all lousy villains he delays his hand and Optimus lives.

The product-placement is out of control. I am not joking when I say there is a scene where Shia LaBeouf stops the movie to recite a Mercerdes Commercial

The annoying characters from the last movie are gone, save one. The little autobot who humped Megan Fox’s leg makes a return. Just be thankful there’s no Skids and Mudflap

The Down-Right Ugly

The acting here is a range from Tolerable to Impossibly-Bad. There are actors here that have been in some high quality material that just blatantly signed onto this because A) they wanted a paycheck B) they have nothing else on their schedules I mean John Malkovich and Frances McDormand are Oscar nominees who are so unbelievably bad in this movie they make Shia Lebeouf look like Laurence Olivier and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the stiffest most wooden actress i’ve seen in ages. John Turturro is awkward but after three movies I don’t care anymore.

Stereotypes a-hoy, not as prominent as before but it’s here. We have: Tyrese Gibson and some other black guy fist-bump and ridicule one another. We have LeBeouf call a Japanese man “Moto-Mushi-Ichi” and decepticons with dreadlocks. Plus that gay guy from the hangover makes an appearance as some loony scientist, but luckily Michael Bay had the sense to drop him out of a window.

Some visceral “American” moments, like using the moon landing to spark the movies plot. Also blowing up the statue of Lincoln to let Megatron sit on the chair instead. Since i’m British I didn’t care for these scenes that are obviously meant to say to American audiences: “These decepticons are blowing up America! Damn Them!”

In Conclusion, I may have some major complaints with this movie but it is a ton of fun. The movie delivers on everything it promises and everything you expect and not a single dull moment. If you loved the first movie, and loved the second movie (god help you) I can guarantee you will love this movie even more. I’d say the definitive summer film this year has been made clear.

So.. Viewing Audience.. Roll Out…

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